February 19, 2013

Dear Friend,

I am so frickin tired. And I honestly don’t feel well. I am blaming both things on stress. When I am stressed, I don’t sleep well (my brain tends to not want to shut off and I just keep on thinking and thinking) which is why I am tired. Also when I am stressed, my stomach gets worse and better. I know it is confusing, but sometimes my stomach will hurt and I will feel crappy and I can’t eat anything, then my stomach will be fine and I will eat lots of crap that is not good for me because I am stress eating. Then I will be sick again. It is a horrible cycle, but I am trying to get better. Hopefully I will figure out what it up with my stomach. I think it might be Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which if it is, I just have to watch what I eat because there isn’t much you can do about IBS.

So anyways enough about my declining health at the age of 20…

I was just taking a break from studying for my Mythology test tomorrow and read a short fic about Stiles from Teen Wolf getting a tattoo and shenanigans and it made me think about how I want to get a tattoo. Now this is for reals. I want a tattoo really bad, but I can’t get it until I am done with my youth leadership position because it is visible with what I wear for events and it is not appropriate to have a tattoo (at least in they eyes of my youth leaders). So what I want to get is this: It means a lot to me because I love music and music has had a huge impact on how I live my life. In some ways, I think it is one of the few reasons I am still alive today. If you have read my blog from the beginning, you will see I was not in a good place when I began my blog. I was depressed and suicidal. I thought about killing myself almost every day and I just wanted the pain and paranoia to end. But I survived a few months ago and I survived high school. Mostly because music was my saving grace. Anyways, I want to get that tattoo on my left shoulder. I also want to get a tattoo of a little star on my left wrist near the pulse point. I don’t know why, I just do. For right now, those are the only tattoos I want, but I have a feeling I will be getting a few tattoos in my life.

So today was another boring day. I had class and work and almost fell asleep in 3 out of my 4 classes. And I actually tried to go to bed relatively early last night, but my stomach was all ooky and I felt like crap and I couldn’t sleep so I fell asleep around 2 and woke up at 7:30. So now I am going to shower, read over some more Mythology then go to bed. I just hope I am ready for that test tomorrow!

Love Always,

Rachael